moving

Living each day as my last.

13 months in London.

I’ve surpassed my 6 months in Aix-en-Provence and 12 months in Brussels. And this time, unlike before, I don’t have an end date on the horizon.

So how am I faring?

Moving.

Moving through tiny patches of homesickness. Not big ones, just little ones that catch me off-guard. Like last night, as I cycled home from the Wimbledon train station, I thought about how my colleague gushed about his trip to New York and what a visual feast the hip areas are. And I started to think of all of the bits I miss… dinners with childhood best friends, lazy Sunday brunches even if it’s after waiting in long queues, feeling like a fount of knowledge on everything from where to get the best burger to cheap massages (even if you don’t want to strip down in a large room with strangers to have Chinese women climb on the table to leverage their weight as they chat with the masseuse next to them).

Moved to nostalgia and momentary doubts of if I should move back, but once the panic settles, I feel sure that the only bags I’m planning on packing are my carry-on for Norway for next week, my large case for Turkey for the week after, and lots of boxes later this afternoon because I’m…

Moving for the 17th time in 9 years!!! Next stop Fulham, a gorgeous part of London on the Thames. It’s going to be great. Just would be nice at some point to be unpacking for good.

Moving my body and getting closer to running, finally, after two years of injury and many, many physical therapy appointments.

Moving, but not there with the whole community thing. Even after 13 months, I still struggle with feeling like I have intimate friends here and feeling surrounded by a community. But I also wonder at the ways that I have been able to break into the London scene and make connections. Through communities like Artisan Initiatives and church, I have met some incredibly talented people here… like high level directors at fashion labels, photographers, writers, producers and fine artists. My brain, works in such a way that it instantly begins exploring the dark recesses to see who the person standing before me should meet. And the people gathering in the recesses are starting to add up.

Making a move. I had a drink with a friend of a friend who is directing an incredible film called Africa United. And I might just be able to make a major connection for her. I’m so excited. I have no idea where it will all end up, but I’m in awe of how I’ve been put in certain positions to do so!

fascinator

Living each day as my last.

My first British wedding. Since I didn’t go to the Ascot Horse Race or other big social events, this was my chance at a wild British hat or the very popular FASCINATOR.

Brits pride themselves on subtlety, but here is where I think they sympathise with Texans…

THE BIGGER THE BETTER

Though I settled on a bit more subtle….

twits

Living each day as my last.

Home at last, recovering.

And being totally entertained by a friend who’s giving me my own twitter feed of constant updates on his day in Brussels.

9.30am: big F at desk since 9.00. Computer still booting… Big F gets prepared to yell at IT-guy who promised that ‘everything should be fine now’… tbc…

10.00am: 1 hour at work … Still booting… Am cleaning my desk … Starting to make plans for lunch… tbc …

10.25: IT-guy says he doesn’t know where the problem is… Am still much too nice to him … C’mon F, start yelling!!!

10.32am: big F is ONLINE!!!!!

12.01pm: Big F still skimming through e-mails. No further incidents. Still mad at IT-guy. Still too nice to him. Have to gain more respect….

13.00: big F on his way to the hairdressers… Always wanted to dye it blonde…

2:17pm: Back at the desk. Big F is regretting that he can’t throw anything at stupid IT-nerd because “it” is sitting in the German office… next time I see him I’ve got to kick some ass!!!!!

2.29pm: FYI: still not blond …. *maybe for wedding???*

3.04pm: … now contemplating a surprise tatoo or piercing for the wedding day …

6.39pm: Big F is suspicious of his least favourite colleague … he is just waaaay too nice today … what does he want from me ????? So many questions and so few answers ….

7.15pm: Heavy rain outside … F is cursing Brussels and planning to stay in the office tonight … no umbrella, no raincoat, just Big F on his bike against the rain … what a bad bad day …

I think he wins the prize for entertainment…. because these were my updates:
11:23 am
Have slept in until 10, eaten chocolate porridge with strawberries, caught up on emails and am now readying myself for a big outing!! A one mile walk to the grocery store for a brita filter, mint, spring onions, sparkling water, and rubbing alcohol. It’s going to be a big day…

16:15
Have now gone to the grocery store for the first time! Think I’m going to Artisan for tonight. The big question is: curly or
straight!?!?

17:11
Vote granted for straight. Suggestions of red nail polish and red high heals and skirt being considered. Comfy may win though.

tango

Living each day as my last.

St. Mary’s Girlzone event “The One About Sex and Relationships” (looking at dating, singleness, dealing with abuse, sex for marrieds, body image, resolving conflict and lots more) could not have come at a better time. I was really psyched to meet more women my age and then fly by the seat of my jeans and go out for Tango lessons with a friend who also attended!

It was super refreshing to have women stand before me who were feminine, strong, smart, sensitive and interesting (my last week’s conference had a woman actually say, “I can’t believe men let us do the budgets”… not funny, even if it’s part of the comedy routine!). Plus we had amazing cupcakes and a curry! (for only £10 as opposed to £105… oh crap! the stupid blonde routine from the first conference REALLY is a hoax!!)

Some of the thoughts that aren’t necessarily new but great to hear again:
-Self loathing is limiting the impact we have upon the world

-Every time we repeat the same mistakes we’re just coming back to lessons we have not yet mastered

-One guy in a survey said he was looking for a smile that “makes [him] feel both dangerous and safe at the same time”

-A woman who was challenged to give a guy a chance, to take interest in his interests and act as if she loved him… 40 years later she recalls loving dangerously… and poses the question, what might your love bring out in someone? And how would you know unless you give him a chance?

-Always respect a person in a relationship so they walk away with a positive experience and aren’t harmed for the next person.

-Are we living as if we’re loved?

Not to get too philosophical, but as I was led backwards in circles around a room, I couldn’t help but think how relevant it all was… even more than just the leading and following perspective… for me, more, the relaxing and going with the flow!

easter

Living each day as my last.

Only a few days before the long Easter weekend did I realise that I’d all by myself for the rest of the day after my church’s Easter Sunday service…  feeling less liberated, and more “Bridget Jones-singing-this-song-in-my-pj’s” at this thought, so was very exceited when one of my fave work friends texted me to say: “Hi Ker!  Just want you to know we’re going to have lunch tomorrow from one o’clock and you’re more than welcome to come.  We’re having beff and mum and some family friends are coming.  Let me know so we can peel some potatoes for you!!!! xxxx”

So I rolled some pinwheel asparagus appetisers and headed north towards C’s new flat by Kings Cross!

Seriously amazing meal…. my appy’s, then super yummy beef, potatoes, green beans, carrots, Worcestershire sauce, and 2 puddings!!!  (Americans: pudding = dessert, not just the runny chocolate stuff in Jello boxes)…. lemon mousse to dip shortbread in… and the other specialty, bread and butter pudding made from hot cross buns (also found that it’s tradition to eat these on Good Friday morning!)

insanity

Living each day as my last.

…is running into a friend I met nine years ago at Rice University in Texas here in London!  When I turned my head to see who else was in church!!  

What an amazing blessing and huge encouragement to see S.

garden

Living each day as my last.

…I have one. And how amazing it was a few weeks ago to have salad and wine with my friend F from uni. Enjoying the abundance of blue skies in London!!

p.s. – In case you’re wondering, it’s French greens with avocado, goat’s cheese, pomegranate and my special limey dressing… and F did get to have a plate too… I certainly wasn’t sharing!

romcom

Living each day as my last.

Valentine’s Day: fancy dress party as your fave romcom character!
(translation: dress up party as fave chick flick character)

Can you guess who I was???

Highlight of the night: Clint Eastwood chats me up twice… Laying it on of what he’s looking in a woman and marriage… How much we have in common… I think it’s in the bag, but then he admits that he’s interested in my Clueless friend Cher (who I styled down to the straw!). As if!

Just in case you were under a rock during the late 90’s, early ’00’s…

fools

Living each day as my last.

Dear friends,

I heard about the email you received. I’m so sorry to hear that you have chlamydia… and now crabs and scabies.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

birthday

13th January: Day 92 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

It finally arrived.

MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I tell you what I did this year, let me backtrack to last year:
“When I first started working at a European company I began receiving emails about birthday sweets. Men and women alike were announcing their birthdays and offering up “candy cakes” (false advertising! the base is just for display!), brownies and divine Belgian chocolates. Though psyched about the offer of free sugar, I couldn’t help but think, what losers… they don’t have any friends to buy them a massive cupcake and sprinkle some confetti between the keys of their keyboards!

Without my nutty NY coworkers in 2008, and faced with the Belgian tradition of “it’s my birthday and I have to supply my own sweets”, I spent my birthday slaving over my tiny “easy bake oven” to bring in decadent chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and milk chocolate shavings. A great way to meet people when I’ve just started working at this company…. next time, though, I plan to simply hand over a few euros to Marcolini to spend my birthday somewhere besides the kitchen!”

…which is exactly what I did this year!

I woke up to receive text messages from a few work friends and when I arrived to work, there was an orchid on my desk waiting for me! Throughout the day, the gifts continued, a shirt and book from another work friend, a big box out of which a balloon emerged with a card saying to shake my tail feather, a bottle of wine from my company, a big foamex card signed by everyone and a cake!

Later that night I had drinks and nibbles with two very special work friends…  Very chill… lots of red wine and catching up!!!  Such a great way to end the day!

It was such a seriously fantastic day. I really had no inclination it would be so great.  If anything, after last year, I thought it would be a bit lonely…. But really, I felt so special… and I haven’t even told you about all of the Facebook messages.  And phone calls.  And emails.

100 times better than last year.  And 100 times less slaving in the kitchen!!

beginnings

12th January: Day 91 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

For some reason I still think in semesters. There’s fall and spring and then summer (break!…not). And each time I’ve moved it’s been during summer (the worst time to make friends), acclimation is in the fall (a bit depressing as everything around you begins to die off, just like the initial excitement of your new location), and then with the spring semester comes the settling in, integration, and beginning of the new life.

I left London in December, with a distinct feeling that after the break, would come the breakthrough.

And it’s beginning.

Like on the night of 12th January.

Introduced by a friend of a friend to another friend, I was in a bar in Clapham talking to a girl who had the same vision as I have. We talked about art and faith and creative potential… of collaboration, support, prayer… of festivals, workshops, new things. She had the passion, but little experience with this sort of thing. Sitting there I was amazed to think of all of the intersections of art and faith I’d experienced before: in Greenwich, Connecticut, Houston, Texas, New York, London… and whilst I don’t have the vision of recreating these places, I’m certain that I’m here to encourage A’s art prayer group, share some of the things I have seen, and simply be here, to be used as needed.

I’m awed and humbled to see the pieces start to fall in place…

pre-party

11th January: Day 90 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

Last year my birthday extended across timezones… why not across days this year??

The festivities started on 11th January (also my dog Spanky’s birthday) for a Sunday lunch / evening wine soiree / sleepover and go to work at my colleague M’s… (she’s a girl, sorry to disappoint… for you and me both!)

M, my favourite London foodie, picked from this book:

Moroccan lamb, couscous salad

And almond cake, topped with pomegranates:

exhale

7th January: Day 86 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

I had great plans of going to the gym. Of getting myself organised. And getting to bed early.

But I really just needed a familiar voice. And to pour out everything that’s been happening. Especially to a friend who will tug at each end of my accordion-folded life, lengthening and flattening from peaks and valleys, allowing the page to exhale, breathing more freely as a slightly creased strip.

M and I ended up speaking until it was so late that I missed my shower curfew of 11 pm (I may be moving, but Mary is still keeping a tight reign), but it was worth having to go to work with wet hair the next day…

art

4th January: Day 83 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

I had made the big move for more than just bringing home the British bacon – or rashers as they call it.

Instead, I thought it was about art, faith, community, connections. I wasn’t sure quite what that meant. But I was here. And open to it.

But I felt like I was hitting my head against a wall in the fall. The community I thought I was to volunteer for didn’t need me. Had I just imagined this sense of purpose? Was all the passion to just dissipate? It would be so easy to just drop it. Get busy. And be safe.

But then the connections started. The art church in Knightsbridge. The friend of a friend that was starting an arts prayer group in Clapham.

One contact at a time.

And today, a service for the arts.

Not sure what’s happening. But whatever it is, it is happening.

ideas

1st January: Day 80 of doing one thing as if I was living that day as my last.

I’m back from Cannes. Recovering from being totally fried. And determined to get this blog up to date. 13 entries to go. I can do verbose… can I do succinct…?

Big F.

He’s one of my very favourite people from Brussels.

And as I started thinking about what he’d like for his New Year’s Eve birthday, the idea came…. and grew…. until I had cast aside my plans to unpack, transformed my bedroom into a studio and had a photo project mapped out for all of my friends for the year….

If you’re lucky enough to be a Jan/Feb birthday you know what I was up to… otherwise you’ll have to wait!!

Ok, fine, one hint: