emerson

Haven’t read Emerson since the days of high school American lit and all of those Song of Myself-y pieces. But I did come across something that catches me, even despite my tired regard of stand-alone sentences that teeter on their tippy toes, trying to reach the heights of inspiration.

“finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. “

I’m not so much inspired as halfway through having a bit of an inner battle – my perfectionist self, saying “I didn’t have any blunders or absurdities!” or “It wasn’t just a blunder it was the end of the world!” and my realistic self saying, “Chill the hell out!” By the end, though, I can let out a sigh and tuck away all of the nonsense and the self that takes it all way too seriously.

lovely

An email just came in from C – today is the day of the woman in Italy. She said:

“I was inspired to acknowledge your presence as woman and express my gratitude for the Feminine. There is such beauty in being a woman: the heat of our heart, the wildness up our spine, the soft cushion of our hips, the glimmer of light in our eyes and the wisdom we can embody, creativity innate.

I send you a dance and a smile… you are treasured.”

I am touched, but realized that it is a turning point when an email like this encourages me, and isn’t something I have to try to convince myself of. I am sitting here listening to Joshua Radin’s “Lovely Tonight” and I truly do feel altogether lovely tonight. But not just tonight. This past year I progressively had all of my crutches of affirmation taken away. I was stripped and nearly broken… professionally, personally, physically, spiritually. I realized in September that I had a choice: bitterness or joy. Since I don’t want to be a person that limps through life as an emotional cripple, I clung to the hope of joy. I was so pushed in this whole process that I finally had no choice but to express what I wanted, what I needed and what I simply would not put up with.

Only now in retrospect do I see that I emerged from the tornado as a WOMAN…. conscious of the heat of my heart, the wildness up my spine, loving the soft cushion of my hips, glimmering of my eyes.. the wisdom, creativity and humour bubbling up behind my confident voice that says what I want and need…